Ready To Go

Late yesterday afternoon, time seemed to collapse for a moment.

As I sat in a chair, facing out into the woods, I saw myself more than 12 years earlier, doing the very same thing.

At that time, as now, the house was quiet, and void of the many things – some of which are now packed or sold – that would come to fill it.

That sense of sameness invoked by the view, the spare space, and the quiet, reminded me that the intervening years have not changed my love of this simplicity, my ideas about beauty nor my need for it.

None of this is written in sadness, or fear. Not this time. I feel ready to go. And, that is a tremendous gift.

How many times have I, have you, have we, been pulled unwillingly into the current of change? And in those times, how long has it taken me, or you, or us, to turn from resistance to acceptance? To welcome, perhaps begrudgingly, or even bitterly, what must be.

Of course, I initiated this particular change in order to free my time and resources. And, so, this readiness may bear the taint of luxury. Nonetheless, I have initiated other changes that seemed to come on as rip tides, and I felt alone, far out at sea.

One anchoring quest in all of these transitions has been the search for beauty, the need to find it, and the grace it offers. The connection it makes, for me, to this big, mysterious, sacred world. The gratitude it births.

I have heard, from a wise friend, that gratitude is the opposite of entitlement.

I am not owed any of this beauty, and yet, it is here. It is lavish, like full-hearted love. But I only see it, appreciate it, when I am present. My ongoing prayer is than I remain open and present, especially during times of change, to see what is before me, rather than to see only what is behind.

Beauty can be birthed in the letting go. This has been my experience. There is no reason to believe it will not be so again.

Amen.

About Soul Intention

"Spirituality is, ultimately, about what we do with...desire. What we do with our longings, both in terms of handling the pain and the hope they bring us, that is our spirituality." from The Holy Longing by Ronald Rolheiser. Paraphrasing what Gerald May has said, in his book Will and Spirit, spirituality is our experience and interpretation of our relationship with the Sacred. The intent of this blog is to explore for myself, and to invite others to explore with me, just what is it we do with our desire? What is our spirituality? Mine has been shaped by many things...in my formative years, by the Roman Catholic church. In the last decade, by the 12 steps. Most recently, by the Episcopal Church. And, always, always, by the sense that Nature helped to reveal the Great Mystery, of which we are all a part. So, my spirituality includes concrete practices, like the Steps, as well as probing more philosophical matters. I was certified, in January 2011, as a Spiritual Director by the Haden Institute. During those 21 months of study, which included a broad range of topics from Celtic Spirituality, to the Christian Mystics, to Jungian Depth psychology, I was given the space and time to ponder my own spiritual journey, hear about others' paths, and benefit from participation in an intentional community. My hope is that this blog can engender a similar conversation. Peace, Paul
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