It is becoming clear to me that I want a different work configuration. And, perhaps a different configuration of my time, and life, in general.
Since my full-time corporate job ended, I have been engaged in a number of new initiatives that have captured my imagination and energy. They speak more directly to who I am and what I would like to contribute.
I would not have the luxury of investigating these new ventures if it were not for the luxury of time away from a 9-5 routine. Not to mention a severance package.
I feel excited, engaged, hopeful. I like being the master of my time. I know this also means being the master (to the extent possible) of my fate – I will need to find and/or create my own work.
The promise, I hope, is greater fulfillment for me, and a greater benefit for others. I do not mean this in an egotistical way. My goal is not accolades. But, I do believe that when my contributions flow from an authentic place of greater depth, they will have greater consequences.
These freedoms I now enjoy – to think, explore, develop, discuss, discover – feel a bit unbounded now. But this will not always be so. The financial realities of this world will edge in, perhaps sooner than I wish them to. And, so, although I feel the promise inherent in this freedom, I am now asking myself, “At what cost?”
And, with that question, come a host of others, such as:
- What costs am I willing to bear?
- What compromises am I willing to make?
- What are the “needs” and the “nice to haves”?
- What values will drive these decisions?
It has entered my mind, more than once, that my current financial obligations can be significantly reduced, voluntarily, without putting my welfare in jeopardy. That my current financial obligations are based on the luxury of a healthy corporate salary. That without these obligations I would be free to pursue my dreams without so many bills looming over my shoulder. However, it may mean leaving a place that I dearly love. A place to which I am deeply grateful and deeply attached.
I may not literally take nothing for the journey, as Jesus instructed his disciples. Nor make a complete renunciation of worldly goods, as lived out by Francis of Assisi. But, there is an important message in this for me. Attachment, of whatever kind, can stifle the heart’s complete expression. The same is so for the truth.
When the Truth seems at odds with attachments, which wins out?
This is the question for me now.