It has been about 6 weeks since my lay-off.
I have abandoned the obligatory, inauthentic, half-heartedly self-imposed feeling of guilt that comes with not working.
I am now enjoying myself.
Make no mistake – I am looking for work. I have my daily log of all those activities: reviewing the job boards, hunting around LinkedIn, applying to suitable positions, emailing contacts, reaching out to new ones. I am also doing self-evaluations, contemplating new applications of my skills, and brainstorming, even dreaming, with others about new and meaningful initiatives.
In the midst of these hopefully productive activities, I notice that Time has taken on a different quality. It is not unrelenting; it is, instead, unfolding.
Perhaps this is because I do not have daily, or weekly deadlines. My iPhone alarm no longer is set to chime, Monday through Friday, at 6:45am, with the electronic replication of tolling church bells. I am not rushing through lunch at my desk. Running down the stairs at 6th Avenue to get the F train, hoping to be first in the laundry room on Monday evenings after work.
I meet friends for lunch, coffee, dinner. I stay up late for theater. I take naps at 2:30pm.
And, I have time to allow my brain to work differently. I am imagining. Hoping. Doing research. Asking. Learning. Dreaming.
As a result, I am also speaking authentically with others about who I am, and hope to be. And, about my dreams for myself and for the world.
One of these, co-dreamed with my friend Jeff, is that LGBTQ teens and young adults have the spiritual resources to live authentic, deep, meaningful lives.
Lives that move toward healing and wholeness.
Lives that, despite the violence and vitriol, are lived from an abiding inner guidance, are supported and enriched by meaningful connections with others on the same path, and embody an unshakeable identification in Divinity.
I imagine our programs happening with, and beyond, welcoming religious institutions across the faith spectrum; in partnership with other organizations who care for, and serve this population; alongside GLSEN and PFLAG.
And, I imagine and pray, that, someday, what we hope to do will no longer be necessary.