Dislocation

There is something about my fire escape that beckons city wildlife.

Over the last 6 months I have dismantled 3 pigeon nests, in various stages of completion.

I am usually not one to put creatures out of their homes. In fact, when they are in mine, upstate, I carry them outside (the one notable exception being the snake…I still regret ending its life).

And, although it’s true that modern cities have fostered perfect environments for pigeons (or rock doves, as they are also called), it is also unsanitary for us humans to live in proximity to these birds. Having read about pigeon mites, not to mention the droppings, it was clear they had to go.

So, now that I have made an overly long attempt to expiate my guilt….

Over the course of a weekend away, a new nest appeared. Fully furnished, so to speak, with twigs, and leaves. Leaves? Do pigeons use leaves?

No. Squirrels do.

This I learned as I watched the nest’s builder return, more leaves in mouth, to look, over and over again, at the spot, that I had just swept clean, where his nest should have been.

Over and over, the squirrel came back.

Up and down the fire escape.

Back to the nesting site. Over and over.

Then, gone.

I am grateful, that, today, after my lay-off on Wednesday, I am not “revisiting” the office, over and over.

I feel gone – physically, mentally, emotionally.

Gone, and not in a resentful way.

This feels like grace to me.

And it is due, in part, to the sense that it was inevitable. I had lived with this possibility for months. And, too, it is no small thing not to have to panic about finances and scurry about for immediate re-employment.

Of course, I miss my colleagues. They are bright and hard-working and dear to me. We will stay in contact. But I am “gone” in that I am not trying, in any way, to recreate what is clearly over. To rethink what I could have done differently. To recapture some lost identity.

Today, I am grateful for the opportunity to slow down. I am willing to surrender to the situation. I pray to remain open in the face of uncertainty.

And, I see, that today, all my needs are met.

Ame

About Soul Intention

"Spirituality is, ultimately, about what we do with...desire. What we do with our longings, both in terms of handling the pain and the hope they bring us, that is our spirituality." from The Holy Longing by Ronald Rolheiser. Paraphrasing what Gerald May has said, in his book Will and Spirit, spirituality is our experience and interpretation of our relationship with the Sacred. The intent of this blog is to explore for myself, and to invite others to explore with me, just what is it we do with our desire? What is our spirituality? Mine has been shaped by many things...in my formative years, by the Roman Catholic church. In the last decade, by the 12 steps. Most recently, by the Episcopal Church. And, always, always, by the sense that Nature helped to reveal the Great Mystery, of which we are all a part. So, my spirituality includes concrete practices, like the Steps, as well as probing more philosophical matters. I was certified, in January 2011, as a Spiritual Director by the Haden Institute. During those 21 months of study, which included a broad range of topics from Celtic Spirituality, to the Christian Mystics, to Jungian Depth psychology, I was given the space and time to ponder my own spiritual journey, hear about others' paths, and benefit from participation in an intentional community. My hope is that this blog can engender a similar conversation. Peace, Paul
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2 Responses to Dislocation

  1. Donna DiConza says:

    I truly miss our “caffeine” moments in the work kitchen and wanted to write a sweet and funny note and clip it to the tiara I gave you but it was shipped out before I could do so.
    I certainly miss all the witty exchanges and familiar faces that surrounded me throughout the day.
    ” I pray to remain open in the face of uncertainty”. Great mantra for pretty much everything in our lives. Thanks for reminding me of that.

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