“May I speak with you in private?”
“Of course”, I said.
I hadn’t seen this person for years. I was delighted by the re-appearance. And, now, I was curious – why had I been singled out so intentionally?
Then, in a straightforward telling, she explained her part in a communication dis-connect that took place 3 years ago. And, not only was she heartfelt in her remorse, she pledged to make it good the next time.
I thanked her, on all counts, and hoped that she would go easier on herself about this.
And, then we parted ways. I drove home. Hours later, I was still marveling at the exchange, and, what I feel it embodies…
A desire for wholeness through forgiveness
I could go on.
This, I think, is what it looks like to live in relationship, and to live well with oneself. To be both responsible to another and to oneself.
To willingly become vulnerable for the good of the relationship, and for one’s own peace of mind. To be right-sized with someone else, and within yourself, meaning, not to exaggerate or minimize the harm or the apology.
As my life would have it, opportunities to make amends have certainly come along for me. I know what it feels like to be on that side of the table. Sometimes these apologies were for hurts I knew, or suspected, I inflicted. Sometimes they were amends for damage I’d done and was completely oblivious to, but thankfully did not deny when they were made known to me.
It puts me in mind of this…that we are all culpable, and therefore in need of both forgiveness and forgiving. That we can sometimes be completely out of touch with the consequences of our words and actions, and therefore need awakening. That we require others in order to really know ourselves and to continue our process of becoming.